Personal differences are far more important. What is the islamic answer i should give her . Who pays for the wife’s commuting costs to her job? Also, who is responsible for the monthly payments? Arguments for the former are that were the wife not to work she would look after the child (and as the hadith on shepherds suggests above, looking after children is primarily the responsibility of the wife). Allah (SWT) has ordained a certain set of duties and responsibilities upon the believing men and women, which include the rights and duties of husbands and wives. My view is that if you husband is not meeting his financial needs and cheating on you, you are very much in your rights to explore a khula option. So in time i have my visa and able to get a job i like to help my family sending money in a reasonable amount but husband said why i have to? Practically the best way to clarify all this is going through the process of writing a will. If entrusted with her husband's money, the Quran says that she must carry out any related duties thriftily and efficiently. Her daughter is 15 and i choose only from the very best when it comes to privat school or laptop or traveling to turkey or omra or any thing else .i pay but. I agree for a marriage to work there has to be give and take but a Woman shouldn’t be guilt -tripped into giving nor should she feel ashamed to ask for her rights or expecting “kindness” at the very least. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218). I think best if you check in with a marriage counsellor or local scholar. The husband is responsible to take care of the needs of his wife. Feel like more of a partner, than a wife. So even when a husband is being a bit difficult, the Prophet advised the wife to be reasonable and to keep “sufficiency” in mind. Bringing Up Children with Together Your Wife. Husband-wife relationship is a great relationship. Who is responsible for the financial responsibility of the child when the parents are divorced? She also has a spouse credit card linked to my account. In order to create a balance, both husband and wife enjoy their own well-defined rights in their own capacities, as quoted in the Holy Quran: The Right to Participate and Associate in the Government, 12. My husband lives in Pakistan as he is from there and has completed his Bachelors degree here in the U.K. however is completing his Masters Degree and working full time. I am currently pregnant and have been ill through this pregnancy. If the woman of the family earns 60 percent of the total income, she's responsible for 60 percent of the bills. A little-known Government scheme returning 25% per annum, PCP, HP, PCH Car Finance: The Halal Guide, Financial Issues in an Islamic Marriage – 3 Practical Examples, Bank of England paves way for Islamic Mortgages to get cheaper, Halal Investing 101 Guide | IslamicFinanceGuru, What is Crowdfunding – And How To Make Money With It. You should not have to work to support your household against your wishes. UK Islamic Mortgages 2020: The Definitive Guide. I want to know where do I stand & how far can she claim as such threats can cripple me. It has certainly uplifted my knowledge which I’d love to share. For a marriage to solemnize in Islam, Mahr is compulsory. I am a non-Muslim and hope my question does not offend. Of course, western culture was patriarchal too until recently, and Islam did improve the situation of women relative to what it had been. Whilst my husband has never made me pay 50% of our bills, this has always been an area of contention and if I don’t contribute sufficiently to joint savings this is what I keep hearing. Why should husbands work and toil while wives eat and sleep and do not even do housework? The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation. Even though i have my own house with electricity water all covered.. Islamic wives are charged by the Quran with taking care not only of their husband's emotional and physical needs, but also of his household and any children they have. I want to help him and I wanted to ask if I’m willingly giving money to my husband is it wrong? There are four main roles for wives in a marriage: a. Obeys husband on matters not against Islam. It is also common for wives to handle bill paying and shopping while husbands manage the big picture planning, such as retirement … It is primordial that women clarify their roles with potential husbands and have some clear marital regulations stipulated in the Nikkah contract.It is also essential that our Imams address those issues in Kutbahs as a lot of sisters are encountering the same treatment at the hands of their husbands. I am disheartened as I was hoping to reduce my work hours to take care of my health and our child. We trying various ways at random to resolve our issues but am concerned what happens if we were to go separate ways.. I’m willing to help her the best I can which i will honour in the event. He then marries a second wife and has three daughters from this second marriage. IMPORTANT : All content hosted on Al-Islam.org is solely for non-commercial purposes and with the permission of original copyright holders. The necessity of nafaqah is one of the certain commandments of Islam. You can also find ways to get money to him without giving it directly – e.g. The nature of work has obviously changed. And for the house I always have to spend money on appliances, food, and household items and cleaning supplies. 14. His primary obligation is to you and your family though he may still have parental obligations depending on the situation. So here are a few common points of contention/query. ), he would be deemed to have fulfilled his financial responsibility in the marriage. So “reasonableness” is the name of the game here when working out if something is a “need” or a “want”. Another thing which I would like some clarification on is that if the wife passes away, how is her will executed according to Shria? Ultimately you both need to be comfortable with how you’re living together. Wife’s roles and responsibilities. The nikah is very much a contract in Islam and one can add lots of further conditions therein (e.g. Several points come to mind. Your email address will not be published. According to Islam providing for the expenses of the family, including the expenses of his spouse, is a husband’s duty. Hence, with love of wife and children, peace of mind, and gratified with their lives, men endeavor more diligently to produce the family’s livelihood and bestow it upon their partners with willingness and genuine sincerity. Instead, Islam intends that women not be forced to work and provide living expenses; however, with regard to her abilities, preferences, and facilities, and the mutual agreement of spouses, a wife can choose an acceptable job and perform her responsibilities outside her home, and thus have an independent income. Probably worth a delicate chat. Because men are attracted to and fond of women, they desire to spend for them, and not only are they without resent, they are completely satisfied and feel good about themselves when they behave in this way. You simply stated that a Wife “should” be focused on her duties and there was no mention of how her Husband “should” out of his kindness help her in this matter if required. We are poor and my father have to support me when he shouldn’t and we are 10 in the family that had to be feed. Helping Muslims make smart and sharia-compliant decisions on their investments, personal finances and entrepreneurship journeys. Is it fard? also we live in different countries . Your wife and children deserve a reasonable standard of living, given your financial position. But i like to have my own account too so I don’t have to ask him money and making him mad everytime i ask. If the wife is a stay-at-home wife, then I would suggest that a shared bank account (into which you pay your salary) would practically make the most sense as that is the common pot from which you will both spend. The most traditional dads see financial provision as their sole responsibility. If the husband is a humble shopkeeper while the wife is a doctor, the husband still has the technical responsibility to support the household on his own. Providing, especially financially, is the most commonly cited duty of a husband. house, care, land etc? When I asked him to put the money back he said that this is his business and that he has learned from his past mistakes and this is a great investment …..etc etc. A mistress of the house who is interested in the endurance and warmth of the family endeavors as far as she is able to foster and edify her children and efficiently manage her home; albeit in willingness and relish not due to legal compulsion and coercion. We provide a cost-efficient and tax-structured Islamic wills service for UK residents here. Several points must be expounded in order to refute this criticism. The early Islamic reforms included giving the wife a possibility to initiate divorce, abrogation of the husband's claim to his wife's property, condemnation of divorce without compelling reason, criminalizing unfounded claims of infidelity made by the husband, and institution of financial responsibilities of the husband toward his divorced wife. Section One: The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam, 2. I have generally always supported my husband when his family has required financial assistance. Marrying this man is a bitter regret. 3. And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband. I am in two minds, I understand that it is his mum and he will not be happy if I suggest that eventually she should pay us back, but I work hard and am financially responsible which has allowed for him to be able to support his mother even though she is not financially responsible. The Prophet said: “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. Also whenever I plan on visiting my husband my parents start arguing with me they say I shouldn’t waste my money that I earn on going and visiting him when’s it’s my earnings as i would need to pay for my ticket and when I’m in Pakistan with him he pays the rent and for our food. Assalamu Alaikum. What standard of living do my children/wife deserve? The Right to Think and Have Opinions and Beliefs, 14. Moreover the purpose of a family as an institution is in stark contrast to the kind of mindset a woman has when she condemns her children to others care, particularly when those others are not trustworthy in their moral compass and lack Islamic values. In answer, it must be argued that this criticism is derived from the enmity or benightedness of the critic because, according to Islam, housework is not the duty of a wife; even regarding fostering, tending, and nursing children, no responsibility has been placed upon a wife. my husband wants to take loan to finance his sisters wedding. Not sure what to do and just wondering if I reluctantly agree out of coercion and to keep the peace is it considered okay for the husband to accept. A man must finance all his partner’s expenses, even if she is wealthier than he. her shelter, her food, her clothing, etc. Helping to Establish the Spiritual Life of Husband. Without having any sense of your wider relationship, I would of course say that separation is not something you should easily turn to unless you have exhausted all other options of reconciliation. Women’s Financial Rights In Islam #HUDATV. Thank you very much for your article! Weddings should be paid for by the groom or, if it has to be someone from the girl’s side, then the father. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. Should I have a shared bank account? salaam Moemen – so your key concern here is that women must look after the children themselves? Thus if ones husband provides for the complete basic necessities of ones wife (ie. In consequence, pragmatically, with true regard to the interests of men, women, and their children, and to fortify the cornerstones of married life, Islam has given men the duty of providing for the family’s nafaqah and has not irrationally sided with one party and imposed on the other. 2. But my wife started arguing and arguing over my future abd bad decisons and really it has been a mentall struggle.. Hello, I am married for more than 2 years now and im on long distance relationship with my husband. For example when she was healthy she worked but has be unable to work for 3 years but is now made to feel she should work. Some Responsibilities of the Husband and Rights of the Wife in Islam. Or if x pays 70% of the deposit, but then only contributes 50% of the ongoing mortgage payment, you can tot up the eventual total each person will have paid and split the house accordingly. i feel like giving money to his family for their needs is one thing but basically financing for a lot of shi*tty desi customs is just nonsense. thatll take us 4-6 years to pay back. Salam alaikum. In the Holy Quran, Allah (SWT) states: In fact this is a pretty big deal. My understanding of husband and wife in Islam Is that a husband should be obeyed and made and kept happy Because he is the one the the All Mighty has made to provide take care and protect the wife and children. The net effect is, her salary/savings stay in her account and she can spend from that as she pleases, and where she makes any household purchases/food etc. Mostly its my parents who pay for all of my needs (food, shilter, medicines) I can’t even afford to buy my new clothes. I dont have a job but im helping my parents selling stuff. If you regularly visit this site and wish to show your appreciation, or if you wish to see further development of Al-Islam.org, please donate online. 2. Show interest, split financial responsibility If your husband does not share financial information, it is possible that at the start of the relationship, you did not evince any interest in financial transactions. 4. 3. This is particularly the case where you have separate bank accounts. I have a question.. Been married for 20 years.. First 10 years of marriage were really good Alhumdulillah.. 2. I need some advice to a situation I am in currently. There is no issue with coming to any sort of arrangement with your wife where she also contributes – if you do it before you get married to her. But if he runs into financial hardship, then Tesco-branded ketchup will have to do and the wife has to live with it. This little unit is shaped of a lady and a man and is stretched out by delivering youngsters. It was very informative. My husband came to know that I sent money and he thinks I should have told him and not hide . unfortunately it is very difficult to advise on this – you should go to a solicitor/lawyer from your local area who will know the laws of your country and community best. Given the focus of these questions, in this article we focus in on the husband-wife relationship. Talk it through – but the above article are really a summary of our thoughts. Thank you for the helpful article. Marriage is about building a relationship which works for both, money should not define thr relationship. Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam Question: As salam alaykum, A man marries and has 2 daughters from this marriage but later divorces this first wife – taking no financial responsibility or responsibility of any sort for the two daughters. We live with his mum, so he doesn’t pay rent or contribute towards bills. Should this be reflected in how much of the house she owns? For that we look to the Qur’an when it says: “Men are responsible for women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]. So we agreed. Can you comment on whether the husband or wife have to disclose to the other spouse if they are supporting their own parents? Salaam alaikum, Nice site and nice topic masallah. Quite aside from it making it very difficult for you to get married (imagine turning up with lawyers to meet your future spouse’s parents), it is also not really in the spirit of the religion. he says its his responsibility to fulfill his duty towards his parents and sister. But since than my husband used to taunt me about my family for not giving anything in marriage and also he blamed me for his financial crises. From a purely technical perspective it makes sense for the ownership to link with the amount you contribute financially to that particular investment or property. The dowry essentially stands as a token of safety, regard, and honor for the wife. If he refuses to pay nafaqah, an Islamic religious magistrate may divorce them at the wife’s request. The home itself was a gift to me from my father. 3. You are not obligated to pay for your wife’s mortgages. I was searching for financial privacy between husband and wife. That means you each look out for each other, cover up each others’ flaws, and fill in the gaps left by the other. Even if there are such differences statistically across men versus women, it is a mistake to impute such differences to any individual as those scholars have done. 70% of deposit)? Then things started going bad for me from financial aspect as i started my own work because by then my wife was already earning 5 times more than i did. Am I being reasonable here? It is the right of a wife. She has now been furloghed and my husband has said that she won’t pay that money back now. im really mad and hurt and contemplating separation. In this case, now that I do not have a job and my parents are sick and do not earn, is it an obligation on my husbands part to provide me with allowance/pocket money/take care of my basic expenses? The necessity of nafaqah is one of the certain commandments of Islam. Please can I ask what your thoughts are on the purchase of e.g. If I want to get married, I need to earn double the amount that I am earning right now. Some of these needs are enumerated below: 1. Learn how your comment data is processed. Hello can I have some advise please, signing a Nikah contact does it give a man or woman financial gain to assets if the marriage doesn’t work out.? My husband is very caring and a great father but this aspect of him is really killing the relationship. I need to do if man trying and his financial health has gone bad and he cant fulfill thoes responsibilities properly even though he tries then what is wife supoose to do.. To curse him and tell him he is useless and a looser.. By the way she does not even share herself and sleeps separately because she says since i am not fullfilling her right so i cant have her. My husband earns an abundant amount of money but is so stingy that I am having to compromise and lower my standards. If a husband does not pay it, it remains a debt upon him and must be paid on demand. It’s the duty of the husband to be kind to her. As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatu Ibrahim. Good question – we’re going through this right now funnily enough. Is this not unfair to husbands? She has the right to her own home and so there shouldn’t be other people such as husbands brothers/sisters etc to rely on her apart from her children and husband. 1. Arguments for the latter are, that the nikah contract is in relation to sexual exclusivity – not childcare. Well said, I couldn’t agree more. While I am a CFA and familiar with ETFs, the capital asset pricing model, efficient frontiers, value at risk, and portfolio management software, I think my wife is better organized at household finances than I am. Bit of give and take, and lots of muddling along! Money is a means to an end, and as a community Muslims have lost sight of that. If both men and women work to pay for living expenses, they will have to compete with men and therefore might be required to accept arduous jobs such as laboring in mines, ironworks, and automobile, petrochemical, and cement industries, civil engineering, railroads, trucking, and grueling graveyard shift jobs. Indeed you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. On the other hand I’m in my 2nd year at University and I am working part time. I sympathise with your situation – just be up-front with your potential spouse so she also knows what will be required of her. husband will pay for education, wife will be allowed to work, the husband is only allowed to marry one wife, the wife has the right to divorce if xyz happens etc). First I will outline what the financial responsibilities are between husband and wife and then get into the modern practicalities e.g. It is the right of a wife. Thanks for your most enlightening article. Hudatv. And last i found his relationships with other womans too. I am willing to go for a khula option. or people complaining of financial problems in marriage more generally. It is really upon your convenience. This is also helpful from an inheritance perspective later on as it makes it easier to stay in the property after your husband passes. Myself and my hubby got into a bit of argument regarding this. Muslim husband and wife should never do these four things mentioned, please read carefully and spread it to the married couples in your vicinity. The rights and responsibilities that pertain to both husband and wife are as follows: 1. My husband have good house in my country he is not working but his family give him money as they are join family in money and hose. That’s how marriages work in reality. As I work part time my salary as it is in pounds intends to be greater than my husbands salary. (a)The mahr (dowry). I have met women who are excellent and knowledgeable financial advisors, and many men do fritter their money away. The Prophet’s weddings are our example – and they were very simple. 1. But from a fairness perspective, if you are a wife who doesn’t earn and yet you are managing the household and looking after the kids, it makes sense that a reasonable proportion of the investments and property would be yours. A husband is the head of the family and its guardian. Though he sometimes send some money when i go see a doctor. 4 – thanks! Books on Islam, Muslims, Prophet Muhammad(s), Ahlul Bayt. 2. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. Recently he has again taken out all of of our savings and invested again without asking or telling me. his children’s needs – even where he gets divorced and the wife takes the children; his wife’s needs (including lodging, clothing, food, cosmetics, health etc); and. This is an interesting question to which there is a rather academic answer and a more practical answer. We are all familiar with the Islamic framework you have outlined – “The sharia and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family.” It is an excellent example of how the patriarchal culture of the prophet’s era has intruded into religious thought, where it does not belong. Now the issue is I have at least 2 years to call my husband here in the U.K. or either if I decide to go live in Pakistan and work at British high commission. Housework and child care are not women’s duties either canonically or legally; however, according to ethics and mores, they cannot eschew these desiderata because they are considered essential to familial life and greatly affect the beauty and repose of the home and hearten husbands. Ibrahim holds a BA in Philosophy, Politics, and Economics from the University of Oxford, an Alimiyyah degree from the Al Salam Institute, and an MA in Islamic Finance. this is the same story that I have been hearing for twenty years … and I am really fed up with it now. Thus, Islam has made men accountable for the family’s livelihood, so that women may fulfill their genetic duties at their own leisure and with ease of mind, endeavor in fostering and edifying their children, preserve their cheeriness and attraction, maintain their place in their spouse’s hearts, and make their home a place of love and tranquility. Why is that? I’ll have a further think on this. He carries this responsibility because his physical makeup makes him more fit to carry the burdens of life and support his family.